Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Duck Duck Cougar?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
