Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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