i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
