My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
