Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
