He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
