I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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