yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
