Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
