just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
