What a fucking waste of an outfit
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
