I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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