this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Couch. On fire.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
