hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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