You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
