You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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