He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize