pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize