I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
