bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
