hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
