i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
