Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
