I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
