whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
