walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
whose ass print is on the piano?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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