oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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