On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
