My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
