how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
