She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
