road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
