Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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