Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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