There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
