She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize