"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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