she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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