I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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