break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
