How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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