I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
