32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
