I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
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