You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
