my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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