Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he shaved USA in his pubs
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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