some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I am spending my child support on dildos
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
