I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
