she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
