i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
