I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
