what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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