did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
