just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
