toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
