FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
