Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
