we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize