girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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