Your tits are I can't wait for
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
