His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
