I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
