wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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