I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
