I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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