Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
