I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
