apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
