i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
