I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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