Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize