I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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