Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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