I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
