I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
