Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
