If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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