it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
