Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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