we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
